Stay Focused On What’s Right For Your Family During Divorce

Tamara Marshall, Partner at Zanck, Coen, Wright & Saladin is proud to be a Mediator.

We are Reblogging this terrific article on 4 things to remember when you are approaching divorce.

Stay Focused On What’s Right For Your Family
by Casey Hatton (@thewelife) on Apr 08, 2014 5:19pm

Once family, friends and acquaintances learn you are going through a divorce you may find yourself inundated with helpful advice or war-stories from their own divorce experiences. It is generally given with the best of intentions, but can be distracting, demoralizing and scary. You must decide what is right for your family during this difficult time, so here are a few tips to help you set aside what others tell you and focus on what you know is best.

Remember, your family may be approaching divorce from a completely different perspective. Others who have been through a contentious, litigated divorce may approach you with their horror stories. These are the same people who may encourage you to think in terms of winning and losing. If you are trying to divorce in a more amicable manner, these stories are irrelevant to your situation. You can refocus the moral of the story by feeling grateful you and your partner have chosen a different path for your family.

Remember, some people still hold negative feelings when it comes to divorce. Even though divorce has become more common, many people still have judgmental feelings about a couple ending a marriage. You may get advice from the perspective that your decision is wrong — you do not need to absorb advice that is fundamentally at odds with your decision to do so.

Remember, a lot of stories you’ll hear are not first hand. Much of the information and comparisons given will be about someone else and not the person you’re talking to. These stories may have taken place in vastly different times and under circumstances unlike your own. Remind yourself these stories are probably like fishing tales, a bit more exaggerated each time they are told.

Remember, it is your prerogative to set limits. It is absolutely acceptable to state clearly and firmly that your divorce is not open for public comment. Of course, you’ll probably need a few safe confidants to help you work through issues and concerns. When choosing who to entrust, make certain they understand your goals for your divorce. These close friends can even act as a buffer between you and all the helpful advice certain to come your way.